BEAU THE CEPHUS AND HIS OPINIONS ON SLEEP

BEAU TALKING

Beau The Cephus has opinions on sleep (somnus) and travel that he wishes to explore with his friends. I, Langston am present and ready to explain his native thoughts about sleep. He is still on the road there in mainland Florida.

The Cephus has spoken about good sleep hygiene many times before. Sleeping at the same time each day or in his case each hour. He thinks that the room should be without any light. If there is to be anything that is approaching him while he slumbers he wants them to be more disadvantaged than he. His hearing is very superior to his sight. He has often remarked about being able to hear a flea laying just one single egg. He is not sure what that egg would look like in the light of day. There should be no sound during his sleep. He wants to hear them coming whether it is across a sound proof carpet or down a tile hall.  If perhaps he should hear a mouse or other vermin creeping around the bed or into a window, Beau The Cephus will put a Swarnald Katzwarzenegger on them with such strength that they will never again attempt The Cephus.

He enjoys having the room at 77 degrees. He is uncomfortable at any lower temperature. Sleeping above that temperature will cause his delicate nasal membranes to dry out and allow caking of the mucoid content.

Beau is all about routine. Get up, eat, drink, potty box, run around real fast, bat the dog’s face, run, clean hair, groom hair, drink, eat, teach dog it’s place, drink, eat, then nap for the next 45 minutes and repeat. He has heard about people taking pain relievers or antihistamines  to achieve sleep. The thought on that issue is that living a full, fast and exciting life will allow one to sleep well for as much as 22 to 24 hours a day. His having said all of the preceding he will admit to suffering a need for naps in a sun filled window and reaping the benefits of its  rays and warmth. The Cephus does realize that routine helps reduce his stress and misdirection in life. He has stated many times that stress shortens a feline’s life each time it occurs. He knows that some measure of stress is good. He would not get up or stop sleeping without some level of stress.

Sleeping with humans is one of his favorite ways to sleep. At least as long as they lay still and do not try to roll over him. If by chance they should roll onto Beau he has a small but strong mouth with which he can try to do an  Ike Kyson on their ear.

BEAU'S SMALL BUT STRONG MOUTH

Humans can be a bit cool to the touch. When they pull him near and cover his body with a pillow, they should not cover his delicate head. He begins by cleaning  his tongue on the pillow case and then slowly dropping in to slumber. What an idea clean tongue and sleep. Waking up with a clean tongue and mouth is great. Just wish that the people could do the same thing. Not to fond of sleeping near humans after they have had a meal of the green things they like to eat. Makes the room smell funny. He becomes upset and he will often leave the human alone if they try to stop his tongue cleaning process. Langston will often give him a little head slap to accompany each cleaning lick of the tongue. Beau heard on the TV program “Animal Planet” that the head slaps can cause brain damage. He is aware of what that could cost the world if he was to forget his mission of saving the world from invasion from afar.

One of his favorite places to sleep he calls “In Jacket”. Beau will wait until Langston is watching a TV program and is siting in a chair wearing a flees jacket. When he is settled in with a cool glass of liquid refreshment and a little snack by his side. Beau will jump up on the back of the chair. Then slowly ease down to the arm of the chair and into Langston’s lap.

After waiting a few minutes he will paw lightly at the Langston’s chest. The distracted Langston will open the zipper down a little ways. Then The Cephus will move his little body under the edge of the material and as close to Langston’s side as possible. Most times Langston will get cool and zip the zipper enclosing The Cephus against his chest. What a great sleeping place. The only problem comes when Langston gets up or moves around. Then it is mayhem. Trying to get out of the jacket with grace and without scratching Langston is not always easy.

Beaus smelling is great. He can locate many things by odor alone. When catching a moth he will bat then down to the floor first. Then he will locate them for his mouth by the scent of the moths and their delicious dust. One big chomp and it is all over for the moth. His only regret is that his nose does not work very well after having dined on a moth of great wing dust.

Beau will often complain about the odour of humans. Often he is lost in the reasons they work so hard to have such repugnant and strong odors. Felines will have scents but only at the appropriate times in life and their smells are guides as to activities in which they should be engaged. Humans not so much, either that or they are always engaged in activities that boggle the feline mind. Human reason itself teeters on the edge of being in the present and in some measure the past or future in the same time frame.

Beau is riding north on I-95 headed for Saint Augustine. He is laying in the window on his back with both sets of legs up in the air. Enjoying the rays of sun that flood over his small frame. He has been rubbing his eyes with his front wrist and is slowly falling asleep.

Until Beau The Cephus returns, I , Langston shall ride this land cruiser north through the wilds of the Florida East Coast.

A VISIT HOME TO THE DRY TORTUGAS

BEAU THE CEPHUS EXPLAINS HIS TRIP

Beau The Cephus has had a great time aboard ship on his travels to Fort Jefferson. I, Langston am here and now present and I have been called up to provide a proper feline version of his experiences.

Beau was standing watching the water ahead. He was trying to spot a 310 foot steel hulled wreck below. The ships captain had been talking about the ship for awhile. He said he had seen many fish swimming around the boat on his last trip. He knew he could not reach them by diving. But grand thoughts still invaded his head as he watched the clear water rush past.

At last he could see the Coal Docks in the distance. The supports looked like skinny aliens from another world standing in a formation like little soldiers not moving just standing with little thin arms sticking down into the water around them. He was sure that they would not have much meat on their bones.

He was here to even the circumstance with the sea gulls. With his fastest sprint, he could race forward around a dune and catch one of those smartly pants. He could jump a little higher at the end of his run, grab it by the lower leg and pull it back down to the beach. What a great meal. The big feathers would be easy to avoid. However those small downy feathers could be real chokers if eaten too fast or without a good quantity of water from his water bottle. Yuck, he just hated to get them stuck in his throat. They were a bit salty and that could make Beau’s legs swell up around the tops of his feet.

Beau does not like the gulls. He thinks that they are loud, offensive, assertive and clueless. They strut around with their clean white feathers as if they were not earth bound like the remainder of creation. When the ranking of gulls comes up, he is sure they are just spoiled children of the bird world, and should be treated as such.

When they pulled up to the dock at the reception hut, Beau The Cephus was the first down the gangplank and through the opening arch. He could hear the park Ranger telling the tourist about the history of the Fort. Beau had heard all of that lecture three or four times and could not sit still for another one of at least a 15 minute talk. He figured he had heard those lectures at Yellowstone Park and Carlsbad Caverns. They were all the same. Well at least he thought so. Mountains, Caverns and Sea Water they were all related how much difference could there be to learn?

He jumped onto the sea wall surrounding the Fort and strolled slowly looking down into the clear blue water on the inside. When he had visited in the past he had seen many odd fish and crabs playing in the sun.

Maybe today one of the hermit crabs will crawl out onto the wall and he would get his opportunity that day. They were a lot of fun to catch. He had to be fast and catch them when they were not looking.

Beau did not want to be the one caught. Those very sharp and strong pinchers could quickly bring tears of regret to his eyes. Eating a Blue, Stone or Gulf Stone Crab is always a pleasure on a warm evening. He was dreaming about that final spring  across the sand and jumping in the shallow water hoping to catch one of the she crabs as they mate in early Summer or Fall. The molting female, a sook, is so tender it can bring a tingle to the tongue. He had to be fast and had to be at the right time or the tears would seize his moment.

Watching the bottom as he went across the bridge and seeing so much in just a short walk around the Fort, Beau knows why he misses home when he is away.

After he has completed his loop, he strolls up to the bridge over the moat and walks slowly into the Fort.  Visiting the book store to acquire a few strokes from the Ranger at the desk is a must for every visit Beau has made. He is off, out the door and up the stairs to the second level. Patrolling all the way around from one end to the other. He is then onto the roof.

Must be fast around the roof to make the trip without those vengeful Sea Gulls and their sharp beaks. The roof tour is best done in the evening when one can watch the sun set to the west over the waters of the gulf.

When the Fort and grounds have been thoroughly checked, The Cephus starts looking for his ride home. He was very lucky when he spied a de Havilland Otter Seaplane resting near the shore.

He runs and jumped on the pontoon. Just then a kind blond lady from Germany  said, “poor katzen”. She reached down and plucked Beau into her arms. The Cephus rubbed his head against her jaw. Beau was in space and the plane had not yet left the shore. She placed him in the back seat of the plane. Beau recognized her by her great tasting hair. Hair that he had styled on the way from Key West aboard ship. In a few minutes the doors of the plane were closed and they were skimming across the water headed for the blue sky.

On the way back home they flew over Mel Fisher’s treasure sights of the Spanish Galleons the Atocha and Santa Margarita. Beau is not much for sunken treasure ships. The young blond lady seemed very interested. She even allowed Beau to set in her lap and gaze out of the window with her. Beau The Cephus loved her hair. The smell, the taste and the texture. Beau was a sunk cat, just setting there with her as they flew over the Gulf.

On the flight back Beau The Cephus rubbed his eyes and found sleep awaiting his arrival.

BEAU WIPING HIS FACE

Beau The Cephus and The Dry Tortugas Trip

Beau The Cephus Explains His Trip To The Dry Tortugas

 

 

Beau The Cephus has had an exciting time visiting Garden Key and Fort Jefferson. I, Langston am here and now present to translate his thoughts, desires, feelings and experiences.

After Sunset Celebration on Friday evening and effete Beau stumbled up and down Duval. He stopped by Captain Tony’s and Sloppy Joe’s for the music and to watch all of the activities. Beau said “I have never seen so many people jumping up and down, spinning, swaying and rubbing up to each other with music.” “They were eating and drinking as though there was no tomorrow to come ever. They were having such a great time.” He stopped in front of all of the live internet street cams and put his best side forward. He did have to slow down as a human wheelbarrow race came his way. So many people on their hands going down the asphalt. Sometimes they would end up on their heads. He did not think it a good idea to eat and drink for a while then be upside down going head first down the street.

Night had passed, the time was moving on into the early morning and the people were departing Duval. The delivery trucks were on the street depositing supplies with restaurants, bars, hotels and T Shirt  shops. There were several ice trucks with bags and blocks of ice. Beau cannot tolerate Ice. Beau is a warmth seeker. He went up Caroline  St. to Turtle Kraals for a little breakfast with his fellow freeloading kitties. There is always larapin eats at the Turtle Kraals.

Beau ate his fill of the vittles then curled up in the corner on the roof waiting for the warmth of the sun to arrive. He was aroused by the sounds of the ever-present seagulls landing and walking on the metal roof. They all seemed to be able to eat every morsel they found. They would swoop in take any food that Beau had near him. He jumped down onto the dock and walked over to the Dry Tortugas ferry. Beau traipsed up the ramp on the boat. He proceeded into the cabin. People were arriving on board. They were all talking at once and were very anxious to ride the ship.

Fort Jefferson, Garden Key
National Park Service Photo

 

 

One lady from Omaha was upset talking real low and setting still staring down at the sole of the boat. The boat has not yet left and she was one sea sick puppy. Beau knew what would come next if she didn’t take her sea legs medication. He changed sides of the cabin just to be sure that he would not be in range of her illness if it came to that.

A man came over to her with a paper cup in his hands. The guy suggested that she have a few sips to calm her upset stomach and to help make the sea level. Beau said “I would smirk if cats could smirk. But alas very few cats can make faces of amusement”. This woman took a few sips and bent forward toward the floor. In a few minutes she took a few more. She continued taking sips until they pulled the gangplank on board. Then there was a large swallow and a small belch. The “Yankee Cat” ship slowly pulled away from the dock. This woman was setting up straight looking out of the windows as she drew an another long sip from the cup into her mouth and down into her gullet. She gave forth a larger belch. As the ship pulled out of the bight she moved outside and walked around the deck still working on getting that marvelous ocean calming liquid. Beau figured that for her the sea was now as flat as a sheet of looking-glass.

Beau came out from his hiding place to check out all of the recesses and crannies of the boat.

He saw a young woman with the start of a sunburn. Beau has had many sunburns in his day. He loves to lay with his feet up in the air and let the sun feast upon his belly. She was fast becoming pink.

She had blond hair and was enjoying her day. Beau jumped up on the bench behind her and began to style her beautiful hair with his finely tuned tongue. The girl stroked Beau and he worked harder. A young man stuck his head into the cabin and motioned to the girl while saying “Charly come see the fish around the boat.” The girl gave The Cephus one last stroke down his back to the end of his long tail and said “Bye Bye Katzen” and headed out the door onto the deck.

Laying on the upper deck behind the wheel house in the sun was a roar for Beau. He walked to the edge of the upper deck and watched the water slide past the boats hull. He saw large green sea turtles swimming slowly the crystal clear gulf water. They looked like large brown plates with a small head. Beau fantasized about riding on the back of a large one to the island.

The captain told everyone to look to the north for a small group of islands he called the Marquesa. How grand it would be to stay on one of those islands. Beau does like his comforts. Water, and a clear piece of beach being just two things he really needs. He could eat the crabs on the beach all day long. He did need fresh water to wash them down. With none in sight he decided he should stay aboard. So on goes the trip.

He saw a few old boats that had sunk, just laying on the bottom, resting in the white sand. . One was just rocking side to side in the gentle gulf current.

Charlene from Micanopy

 

He imagined himself and his friend Charlene from Micanopy on the bow of a large sailing ship. Beau thinks having two different colored eyes like Charlene is very cute. Cutting through the warm water with the wind blowing through their hair. Ah, that my human friends would certainly be a true “Cats Meow”. The boat would be called “The Catanic” . He liked the name, but not the ending.

Beau was just laying in the sun on the edge of the deck watching the waters for turtles. He would occasionally look up at the sky for a chance to see some Brown Noddies or Masked Boobys fly by on their ways to another island. He loves birds. There is a preference for a Sooty Tern on a spit. Some times just a little wren will do. That is a 2 small claws lunch, which is like 2 stars. Left or right he does not care which claw. He can eat with either.

While watching he noticed low flying gulls that would fly by and give, the old “I am going to pick you to the bone, kitty”. Being ever prudent and fearful The Cephus moved back into the cabin. He needed his nap to prepare for his arduous job of checking on the Fort. He curled up on a bench and began rubbing his eyes as they were closing.

I Langston, must await for his instructions when he once again begins to speak.

Beau and the Blue Hole Alligator

Beau has new revelations about his trip to the land of his friends the Key Deer. I, Langston am here to offer for your consideration those thoughts and ideas.

When Beau The Cephus visits The No Name Key Pub he always enjoys himself. He will ask for the 8-inch Pub Pizza for one.  Gourmet Key Shrimp Pizza with many small squovals of Spicy Conch Fritters are enjoyed while setting with his friends and eating late in the evening. A truly charmed cat.

After dinner he will go down Watson Avenue with a big right on to Key Deer Blvd. past Higgs Rd, stopping at The Blue Hole, to drop off part of his pizza to Blue the Alligator. Blue will eat all of the pizza you can carry in just a moment. He lives in the top layer of water in the hole which is fresh from rain water and the bottom is salt water. Beau has often asked if he could swim with Blue. Blue just looked at The Cephus and yawned real big and long. When he yawned, his eyes would close. Beau just stared  and backed up a few feet further from the water. Beau has a great time chasing the many green iguanas around the hole. Always keeping an eye on Blue. Just in case Blue needs more than a small pizza.

Last visit to see Blue, Beau cleaned his claws on a tree. For a couple of weeks and several tubes of steroid cream, he would just lay on the deck and meow out “error, error, error, would wave his feet back and forth in the air. Seems that the tree, he had selected, was a Hog Gum tree or as Florida Crackers know it a Poisonwood. Every time he would utter the now famous “error, error, error”.  I, Langston would have a hard time holding my smirks.

His use of his PawPad computer has changed his language. Never before he had said “error error error” until after the PawPad. How those touch pad computers have changed his language. Now he meows in short burst of initials. I bet his distant kin back in England would have a struggle just understanding his “CompuCatShortcut” language.

We always stop at M.M. 17 on US 1, Sugarloaf Key. to visit Perky’s Bat House. Beau begins by sitting behind some plants and watching for one of the bats to land on the ground. He sits there waiting and watching until the falling sun blinds him.  Some afternoons he will move closer and just wait. He has never been told that the bats would hang out inside of the house until dusk. Well, thats if there was any bats there in the house. He claims to enjoy deep-fried bat with a side of lizard pate made with sweet basil, fat-free Vole tail and a touch of cinnamon.  When he is aboard ship, he likes his fried bat served on Royal Albert dinnerware. He will eat with tooth picks. He is able to hold them between his small toes where the heavy forks with 3 tines will just slip from his paw and clatter on the floor.In a tight pinch, The Cephus will eat from a light weight paper plate that can be purchased at the ships store or West Marine.

Beau is not even sure if he could catch a bat. The only time he has come close to a bat was when he visited and was helping at Lechuguilla Cave System. He would set at the freshly dug out entrance early each morning waiting for the Mexican Free Tail Bats to return. They were too fast and devious for The Cephus to ever hope to touch. He would set for 30 minutes and then return to help with the cave. Beau always thought that they smelled like Fritos. He enjoyed eating there in New Mexico. He did, however miss the ocean and the feel of sand under his feet and between his toes. Often he has expressed the thought that when you had sand in between your toes and the sun on your back, you could never leave the ocean, especially the Gulf of Mexico.

Beau does not appreciate Red Tide. He thinks that it is not only distasteful to the eye but it smells so abominable and makes his eyes roast and nose run. When the Red Tide is running there is no going to the beach. Last year while walking on the beach, Beau looked out at the water and put the pads of his left rear foot down on a dead puffer fish that had died from the Red Tide. He hobbled around on three feet for a week. He kept complaining of a numb feeling in his leg. He would watch TV by holding his foot up above his precious little heart. He said he was afraid that it would swell and become hard, black and fall off.

Beau’s community service, celebrity and work release projects have consumed so many nap hours that he now must take very long and very quite siestas just to keep his sleep deficit down below the feline debt limit.

Beau Ready for Blastoff

Lethargy is not enjoyable to a cat who must sleep with at least one eye just slightly open at all times. He is fearful that “They” (The Cats of the planet Felina) will come back to pick him up and take him home without even a notice. He is not sure why or where they had dropped him off. The only memory is from a dream during a cat slumberland snooze of a few years ago. He had fallen asleep after eating some Columbian Cat Nip. He thought it was some thing that another cat had slipped into his stool softener cocktail along with the Indian psyllium husk fiber. He had a friend Windsley Flowhand that he thought may have done the deed. But he is not sure.

Beau’s eyes are once again glazing over and the rubbing of the eyes with the front ankles has begun. That is the signal that he will once again be gone. Have faith, he is usually back and ready to party again after only 23-26 hours of rest.